Always a thought of Science-fiction it is obvious it will soon become Science-fact. Cybernetic implants will be coming, and in some ways they have already arrived.
Okay so what started me off typing about this, it is not a hard guess, a computer game, all you reading this know I love them so why be surprised. I've recently been playing a brand new game, "Deus Ex: Human Revolution" (Thank you Eidos Montreal & Square Enix, I'll take my money in cash for that little plug) but seriously it is about a sci-fi world in the near future a world filled with 'Augments" as they call it, cybernetic implants. Thinking about it hard, it isn't something we a far away from, we already have some amazing prosthetic limbs for amputees out there, how long before they are grafted onto the flesh and bone as a permanent feature. I mean we are already accustomed to inserting metal into our bodies, Plates in the skull, Titanium hips and I am sure there is development of cybernetic limbs going on as we speak.
The question I have, is it right? A discussion me and the wife had the other evening, is modifying the body with cybernetics morally right, should it, if it were possible, be allowed. Where do you draw the line? Those who are amputees sure, but those are not, are not allowed, should you limit the power it could provide, for example maybe they created a cybernetic arm that output 10 times more power than a standard human arm, should that be legal? Allowed? Would it just cause trouble? It is clearly obvious the path of prosthetics will head into cybernetics one day, whether it is 10, 20 or 100 years time. Then when does that person stop being a human and turn into a robot or cyborg? Would a person be able to replace most of their body and just leave major organs intact? Would that be a human? Would it be used as a weapon? It wouldn't even be big things; what if they could implant your telephone in your ear, a microphone in your brain so what you thought was said in the phone call.
Is this what our world will be heading too? Or do you think people would not take to it, be to purist and would call it defiling the human body?
So, let's for hypothetical sakes say cybernetic implants were real, should they be allowed? Should everyone be allowed them, and then what of the problem that it prolongs the human life, would it over populate us even more? I mean it's a cruel and horrible thing but those who would benefit from it and may not die without it would decrease an already absurd population on this planet.
Then we could get into the topic of "forced evolution" what if we could manipulate our genes, our genetic make up to allow us to be stronger, faster and cure illness, should this be allowed or is messing with evolution wrong? What about medicine, that is messing with evolution, creating medicine to cure illness we wouldn't otherwise be able to fight off?
I would love to hear some of your thoughts on this, I know it's a complete fictitious ramble but one day, maybe not in my life time, it is coming.
okay, so to those who do not know I have just made a purchase of the life time. I have bought both Volumes one and two of Dante Alighieri Devine Comedy.
The books themselves are both matching half leather bound (half calf) 1903 copies with illustration plates by the one and only Gustave Dore
Now I do not expect people to take much of a interest nor expect them to be as excited as I am or to have knowlege like I do on the subject, but some of the comments today crack me up.
So I am talking to someone at work and the subject moves onto my new books, I explain I am awaiting a delivery and I am excited, they ask why and I explain I am waiting for two new books to arrive. they asked why if it is only books so I explained the actual deal behind it, them being antique books, rare/uncommon and very valuable as well as well as special to me. they then ask how much it set me back, quite rudely in fact, I explained how much I paid for the pair and with the obvious response of "that's a lot just to read a story" which obviously gets the retort from me of "Oh, I won't be reading these books." I await the typical reply of "Why buy them then" to which I am unsurprised and give the standard, "I've already read the books and know what happens" they then ask "well how if it's an expensive book" well yeah but you can buy copies today for £2.00 etc or even free by the Gutenberg project. and then the most impromptu and unexpected response came "But you could use that money to get drunk" Well I'll be damned, "they then proceed to explain how it's better to get drunk than to buy "a book or two" well of course they're right. why would I want to buy a book or two for a collection and something I will enjoy for years to come, as well as increasing in value, why wouldn't I want to spend the money on getting "Pissed" as they say.
The funny, these people are older than me, and what I would consider more mature, evidently not. So what, am I just too mature for my age, do I just have taste, or have I got it wrong? Am I missing something with the wasting my money on drink and puking it up?
And no... Do not worry I do not mean me, I am doing well. in fact very well I would say.
but I am currently watching "Falling Down" A fantastic performance by Michael Douglas and Robert Duvell. If you haven't seem it I recommend you do, I wont spoil it to much for you but basically Michael Douglas plays a divorced out of work defence engineer who has "had enough" of being mistreated by society and decides to deal with it himself, Robert Duvell plays the retiring police detective on the last day of the job who decides to track down Douglas and stop the rampage of terror. A must see movie from 1993 bordering on a classic.
So now I have got that out of the way, what is next... well how about how my day went. It started of, and even ended very well in fact. I got up and headed straight to work, had a few things I wanted to straighten out so I spent an hour or so in work catching up with a few things, It's great doing the I.T work I can just pretty much get on with it, Whilst I obviously report to others I am basically asked to do a few things here n there and monitor the rest by myself and just "do it" the level of trust and responsibility is something I've not had to do before which is fantastic.
I think the fact that I am helping to make decisions and on how to progress is good, my idea's are actually listened too and even acted upon which is something I've not really had to do before.
Anyhow, I finished early, got home and a friend had visited, not much to say, chatted n caught up so pretty mundane and boring stuff for my day, I finished the evening playing a bit of the computer.
So I've been playing the Total War Series lately, Mainly Napoleon and Shogun2 Total War,
Tonight it was a Land battle in Napoleon: Total War I was the Russians against the Ottoman Empire, Now I had a few mods installed, a Defence Mod which allows defensive structures and a second which allows each rank to fire instead of just the front rank which equals more fire-power.
Now this is Vs a CPU player, I had a near identical match before online where the opponent chose not to deploy any Artillery, which is very unusual so I decide to take a more defensive stance, it was a walk over, my Artillery decimated them before they got close, I believe he thought he could hit me on the flanks, which I realised he would try to do, for this reason I placed my best troops on the flanks to cover from horse attacks.
Whilst this is a game against the CPU it portrays what I did quite well. so enjoy this video.
So this follows on slightly from a post I made the other day, mainly about how awesome some of my favourite actors are but after watching "Burn Notice: The Fall of Sam Axe" (Which I must say is amazing) and while I sit here listening to the OST from the Orange Box Collection (Again pure brilliance) I started to think.
Movies today, a lot of these are focused around conflict as a central plot line, whether it is War, Altercations in relationships or anything else the general rule is for a successful movie you need some sort of conflict. Now why so you suppose that is... I mean conflict is a terrible thing, unless your a psychopath or should I say suffer from APD then you do not want conflict, the general thought is conflict is bad and as a people we go out of our way to avoid such conflict whether it is war, a fight, argument or disagreement. So why do we enjoy it so much when it is portrayed on the big screen?
I cannot say I am innocent here, standing on the outside and looking in at people watching Movies and TV shows based around conflict, I am guilty myself and my favourite shows are based around conflict, Burn Notice, House MD, The Defenders, NCIS, Hawaii Five-0 (old and new) and much much more the list could go on, or Feature films like Evil Dead, Hellboy, and old action classics.
So why do we enjoy them so much yet spend most of our life avoiding the situations which occur in these films. Okay obviously it isn't every day you going to be saving some Beautiful Señorita from a notorious drug lord and get the opportunity to go in their guns blazing like the Governator but we still avoid conflict, whether it is a wrong order at a restaurant or really anything in retail. A lot of people these days will not "make a scene" as it is called and my wife is one, if something is immoral, or wrong or outrageous generally she will avoid the confrontation like it is a plague, I have to say I am quite the opposite and will usually fight for stupid things, over charged by even a £1.00 and I will say something, some call this tight, I call it rights.. Now I understand why people do not wish to "make a scene" because complaining or opening up to confrontation is normally taken in a negative view, I work in an industry where I deal with confrontation on a daily basis however at times I am on the other end of the complaining. Is it fun, do I enjoy it no, But I appreciate it. I understand the need for it, especially as in the past several years even our basic human rights are changing the meaning of the word FREEDOM is changing.
I understand that at times mistakes and things go wrong and when they do we should just not "Live with it" or "deal with it" but we should confront these problems. I feel in general every day life confrontation has a negative stigma but this doesn't have to be, confrontation is HEALTHY if you have a problem with a organisation, a company or even your best friend, Confront it, deal with it, do not bottle it away and let it build up otherwise you'll end up like Michael Douglas's Character, William Foster in "Falling down" and we all know you do not want Robert Duvall chasing you down.
But on a more serious note I believe we all need a little bit more confrontation in your life, whether it's little or small if you feel like you've been wronged, just confront those responsible about it. America as a country and American's as a people have this stereotype of being "complainers" it's something I've heard all of my life and more so in the tourism industry, but you know what, I have to agree with them. if something isn't what you expected, you should complain. you should confront, if service was lacking, if quality of goods did not match those as described or if your best friend is being a intolerable jerk, TELL THEM. and no that isn't an open invite to tell me I am a Jerk, I know I am lovely so shush.
So back to my original question, if we loath confrontation and confronting others so much, why do we adore it in Movies, I have a few different reasons, I doubt any are right or wrong, it's not a relative thing but for me, part of it has to be with the fantasy, Movies offer something different and allow you to put yourself in someone else's shoes and that can even be regarding confrontation. Maybe you wish you could be like someone in a movie and confront the bad guy, obviously not your drug lord in Bogotá or serial killer in Chicago but the local clothing store who's item fell apart in the wash, that friend who "borrows" a fiver every weekend and never pays it back, whatever it is. I believe a lot of people wish we could confront people, but we do not have the stones for it, so watching it in the movie gives you the fantasy believe.
I may be reading to much in to this of course, for all I know it could just be because it's "fun" but their has to be a reason surely?
So I ask you this, where ever you got this link from I want to ask one question, tell me the last time you confronted a wrong doing or a person, a company or an injustice in the world, go ahead prove me wrong. Show me we're not all push overs in this world. if it helps, I would be more than happy to share the confrontations I have initiated in my life.
Remember Corporate doesn't always win, one person can make a difference,
So the last few days I have been dancing around happy, let me fill you all in.
I currently have a brilliant job but I strife for more, where I currently work I wish to move into the IT department, this is the ideal place for me to be and job wise, what I wish to do.
So, I've been doing some overtime in the IT department, extra hours here and there and it's been going very well :)
Now the guy in IT has left, which I thought was fantastic, OMG I thought, the position I have wanted has opened up, what could be better. Now this was only a few days ago so I expected it to take a while for the job to be re-advertised or I expected to be approached relating to the position.
Well today I get pulled in to the office but it was by my Manager and not the person I expected to approach me.
Basically to cut a long story short I got told the job I wanted has been dissolved, it will not be re-advertised and I will not be able to apply for it. My heart sunk, I had been holding out for this position for quite some time and had even decline another job to hold out.
Now I did tell my managers this and they understand, I mean this is where I saw myself heading within the company I work for and it is no longer there. I love the company I work for, they're one of the best employers going and I understand, especially in these economic times that it is in their companies best interest to save money. I do not hold any malice towards my employers with regards to their choice in this matter.
I didn't come out of it hopeless though, Whilst I am not being offered a full time position I have been offered an extra 10hours a week, two hours a day on top of my current job within the reception department, also included would be being on call and covering time off. Now this isn't all bad as an extra 10 hours at £7.00 an hour is £70.00 a week or £3640 per year, supplementing my current salary of £14250
I cannot complain to much so whilst I am gutted about not getting a full time position in the department I was expecting I am happy to get something out of it, I have to contemplate though if there is a future for me within this company. I was told it may be a possibility but I do feel I have been holding on for quite some time. I would only hope I can continue to progress my career within this company rather than being forced to move, but how long I have to wait for this I do not know... There comes a time in which I will have to make a decision regarding my employment and if honest, I do not know what I will do when that time comes.
Who knows what will happen.. all I can say is today I am upset, and disappointed. the perfect job for me, and now it is gone, no ones fault I know but still, tonight I will wallow, and tomorrow I will get on with things.
The twelve-gauge double-barreled Remington. S-Mart's top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That's right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Retails for about a hundred and nine, ninety five. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel, and a hair trigger. That's right. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart. You got that?
No guesses to what I have been watching lately. For someone so into Films it is not uncommon for me to be ask the most commonly asked questions, Who is my favourite actor and my favourite film.
Now I can give you many an example of brilliant, well done films and fabulous well known actors. A-listers and the likes but I cannot say they are my favourite. True movies in my eyes are not about large budgets, brilliant special effects and a well known cast, the real true movies are those with a fantastic story line, done on a hair string budget with money which is begged, borrowed or stolen. The story that grips you that things like continuity, which is something that pisses me off in block busters do not matter to me.
Now, I have watched many low budget films in my time and some, yes are shockingly bad. but some are the best features you will ever set eye on.
Now, one of the most common and popular low budget flick is the 1981 cult classic, "The Evil Dead" Sam Raimi's first hit. And must be one of the most successful low budget pictures, ever. Filmed on a shoe string of a budget, Under $400,000 the film has grossed close to $30,000,000 as of 2006 and must be well over to this date.
However this isn't what I loved about the film, sure it was a commercial success and attained a cult following but what I love most about this is the Actor it introduced me to.. Mr Bruce Campbell.
Ever since I saw the film I have had a slight obsession with the Mr Campbell. I've watched many of the movies he has stared in and I love them all.. Whilst some of them have been called a "commercial/box office disaster" they are still fantastic to watch. nothing beats a bit of Assault on Dome 4, or McHales Navy, Even Escape from L.A.
So luckily for me I have the most fantastic wife ever and she bought me not one but both of the books published by Bruce Campbell. Now I am quite a reader, I love my books and my book cabinet shows this. I never throw away a book and will re-read many. However I have never been one for Auto-Biographies, Except for a few books regarding Stalin, Communism and the Court of the red Tsar, a couple of military encyclopaedia's and the book Band of Brothers which was later made into the Mini Series I mostly stick to fiction. However the title, the cover and just the fact it was written by Bruce Campbell just amazed me and I finished the book in record time. One thing I loved, Bruce Campbell all throughout the book never claimed to be much of a Writer, never acted more than what he was and came across as one of the most honest people ever. This can be said by the fact he classes himself as a B movie star. Well whilst this may be correct in the traditional terms he's an A in my book.
Now many say, Oh B movie stars are just fillers, I disagree with this, B movie work harder, act harder and generally, in my opinion perform better than a lot of A listers.
Now, I cannot say I despise all A listers, this I do not, I love most modern, especially Hollywood movies and this can be shown in the fact another favourite actor of mine is none other than Mr Ron Perlman, Aka Hellboy, Aka Koulikov from Enemy at the Gates, Josiah in the Magnificent Seven TV Series and lets not forget the Narrator in not one, not two but ALL of the Fallout games which give rise to this epic speech.
So yes... I like A list Celebs as well as the B Movie Stars.. I actually had the wonderful opertunity of meeting a few people who worked with Ron Perlman, Simon Hunter was a director on a movie which Ron did called "Mutant Chronicles" now whilst the movie itself was a "commercial flop" it was enjoyable, something different anyone, so I met him and a few others who worked on the movie with him. I have photo's somewhere I must dig out at some point.
So with all this said and done, what has sparked my sudden expression regarding my love for Brucey Campbell. Well Burn Notice, the fall of Sam Axe is released today on the USA Network, a TV channel us Brits are unlucky enough not to receive, much to my disgruntled rants USA Network seem to have no intention of changing this. but alas the Fall of Sam Axe is probably on right now as I write this, and I am missing it. Oh well, I'll see it soon enough.
Movies or Films, whichever you prefer to call them mean a lot to me, but the two actors mentioned above are the most iconic in my eyes, both very different and have a different type of role within themselves, but then again from meetings with people who know them and books I have read two of the most humble actors out there who are not "Full of themselves" like many are.
I like to think I chose well for two "role models" for myself from movies, because lets face it, they are, you watch enough of someone on film or tv and you pick up traits from them, you admire them for so long a part of you wishes you were that character, whoever it may be.
Movies to me do what they are designed too, Emerge you into the fantasy and the world. Laura hates it as I may be watching a TV show and she can talk to me, I will not respond because for that time I am in that show, my entire focus is on that show and nothing will distract me from that.
So next time you watch a movie, try to think of the little guys, Those low budget, B Actors scraping a living doing two jobs, those are the guys with the real talent, the real guts and those who work to keep this industry alive. not those self righteous pricks who demand $20,000,000 for walking onto a set, saying one line and fucking off again.
I challenge you, Each of you find a low budget movie, something you've never heard of before and watch it. if you need help, let me know, but doing so may just open your eyes to what is out there other than the high octaine, high budget, special effects imposed blockbusters out there. and these Low budgets can make it, look at The Evil Dead, a movie which as grossed over 60 times it's original investment and budget.
I leave you with this challenge and I hope you decide to accept, you may be presently surprised.
So earlier today I popped to the shops to get some prawns and other things for lunch, upon my return I have a treat for my big boy and the wife, So I get in with the shopping and the boy knows I got them something,
I put the boys item in one hand and the wife's in the other and get him to pick, he picks the wife's and is thus upset. so I tell him to trade it with the wife, which he does by taking his present (A kinder egg) and give the wife hers, a thought flashes through my mind, an evil one and I tell the boy "No, that's not how you conduct a trade" and take him to one side and whisper in his ear, he promptly returns the kinder egg to the wife and leaves the room, upon his return, the wife's present, a chocolate bar in hand.
So, he goes up to my darling wife, looks at her and hands her the chocolate bar for the chocolate egg. they swap items and as quick as a bat pulls out a fly swat and hits mummy with it, retrieving the chocolate bar from my stunned wife. Laughing and dancing that he now has two items while all my wife could do is look on stunned.
I couldn't help myself, I did inform him it was wrong and I was bad for telling him to do so and I of course took the second item as commission.
So nothing much is new with me today, My Knee is the same old, actually more so painful, I woke up in pain but that can probably be put down to using it to much yesterday, Ended up playing lego with the boy yesterday. Had some fun, made him so Army Lego stuff, he loves it. Today he asked again and I tried but my knee just kept getting in the way, so I did what I did best and designed him a custom model, once again.
For those who do not know, I currently have a lego design program and made a few designs for both me and the boy. I will have to post them one day for anyone who cares, but yes, I did design a lovely truck for the boy :)
Other than that I've been pretty much resting the leg, spending time with the family the last few days. However what I have noticed, especially since writing this blog I am spending slightly more time online being social.. well trying to be. Being social on the island is hard. There is hardly anyone on the island who I connect with in a friendship way. I have acquaintances but only a few friends. however those from my past and others I know via FB and other websites I can talk to, I get on so much better with. can talk to with ease etc.. The funny point of this those are the people I am speaking to, the fast majority of these are Americans,
This just reinforces my belief of the fact that I belong, living in America, I've died down on the bugging Laura about America, I guess there is nothing I can do for now. but the for now is the main part.
So what else can I say, not a lot, Watching a brand new TV series which I am enjoying. This is something I've not really written a lot. But something I love, TV and Movies mean a lot to me. I really enjoy watching TV and Movies and this will be something I will write about some more in the future.
So, yes its not exactly morning but since I didn't go to bed till six am it is morning to me,
Okay, so yes I am not dead but I needed a catchy title, I can't just have "my sleeping patterns" plus more of you will be curious and read, I hope so anyway.
So yes, I guess its in part due to my work and in part due to how I've always been. My sleeping pattern has always been fubar, some times I sleep early at a reasonable time, sometimes I can't sleep till around 6am like last night, if I try I toss and turn, last nights was mostly down to pain in my knee, but its not always the reason. I don't know how Lolz feels about it but I don't mind the funny sleep patterns to much.
I would love a routine but with ny job that'll never happen, I guess I can only do what I do, the bit that does annoy me, if I've done a late shift. Followed by an early which means I only have 7/8hours between shifts, take off 30min driving and then other stuff, I'm lucky to get 4/5 hours sleep, when I come home, people criticize if I go for a nap, when I just can't go on... and give me a look like, oh i don't get to go for a nap, but no you also Didnt do two shifts with hardly any time in between them,
I would love for a normal sleep pattern, I just don't see it happening soon.
Rightio.. a tough subject that is always a cause of concern when you read topics about it. Arguments peruse and it turns nasty.
I've never considered myself religious in the slightest sense. I was Christened as a Protestant and went to a CoE School when I was young yet I never followed it. I've thought about it often thought, especially with a lot of my American friends, they are very vocal (in a nice way) about their religious beliefs, more so than anyone I've met in the United Kingdom. Religion over here is rather secretive and not really talked about to much in day to day discussions.
So I wonder, what would I be like if I was a religious person.. I do not know. Now just so you know, I am not "Anti Religion" I do not feel I am better than anyone else because they believe and I do not, and I do even enjoy talking about it :) I am a scientist, simple, I believe in the big bang, the way the world works, dinosaurs and the theory of evolution.
Now it does not mean I dismiss all religion. I mean the values that EVERY religion teaches is fantastic, the good Samaritian is one but a few, the general values of religion are generally very good. I trike to bestill some of the Christian values into my life, just without the religiousness of it.
Do I was I was religious, sometimes I wish I could believe in more than what our life is about, I mean I would love to think there is more to life in this, but my logical cannot let me. I can only believe in what I know to be true, which is science with scientific evidence. I don't always wish this to be true, but it is.
So yes.. this might as come as quite a shock to you. Whilst I am not religious myself, I Envy those who are.
Maybe when I pass I'll be proven wrong, and maybe I'll be forgiven, who knows.
Well I hope I am not but apparently having this blog means I am an attention seeker.
The discussion arises while at work today, I mention I have just started a blog and explain it is just an online journal with a collection of my experiences and thoughts. the person I was having this discussion with, their immediate thought and comment was "Oh you just do that for attention". So it got me thinking, Why do people chronicle their lives, write and publish their memoirs or even blog online. The next comment was that having a blog was self centred and as it was ALL just about me. well of course it is, the blog is for the purpose of chronicling my thoughts and day to day experiences.
So I give up on idiots like that, I am an attention seeker so here I am seeking your attention. To be honest I'll admit I like people reading my blog, the same as everyone out there who has blogs, journals or chronicles. However not for the attention but for the fact that people find it interesting... well I hope you do
So lets get on with what this blog was really about. ME, all about my day.
Overall I have to say it has been very good, I woke up later than I had planned and enjoyed some lunch with the family, then off to work. Work was good today, very tiring as I was tending a bar as well as being at my desk, Woo, it was busier than I thought it would be as I was on the bar too, it also ment a lot of up and down and walking which strained my knee, so tonight I have taken a few pills and sit back to let them kick in.
The weird thing is, this is the evening of my day, 1:00 in the morning is nothing, I'll watch a movie or two then head to bed, it's funny how it works out.
Tomorrow I am up early though, Laura has a doctors appt and I have to look after the squirmy boy, guess the park is in order, but alas untill anything else exciting happens I'm signing off, Night all
So, I support anyone who wishes to raise money for a good cause or charity... however what has been ticking me off is how people are going about it these days, By all means post about it, ask friends about it but when you send me messages followed by messages saying "why haven't I donated" that annoys me, within the last week or two I have received around 15/16 offers to help people with their charity, I cannot afford to help everyone, yet some of the people seem to get annoyed that I say this. Well sorry but when you act like that, you definitely will not receive a penny from myself, your as bad as those people who harass you in the streets.
Well that's my rant for the day, please do not take any offence to this and if I can afford to donate to your cause I will, just please do not give me the "hard sell"
TV, Media and most of all people are putting pressure onto people these days to give to charities. Whilst I support the work they do I still can't help to be sceptical, A lot of charities have High paying bosses earning six figures each, turn over a lot of money. the only difference between a charity and a company is the money the charity "makes" after costs, which includes these insane salaries, must be used for a good cause.
Okay it means a lot of the money goes to good cause but lets face it, the percentage of how much can go to good causes can be very small indeed. so next time you give to charity, just look into how much goes to the people who need it.
So here I am, It has been a number of years since I have even thought about a Blog, I had a livejournal when I was younger, it's still alive, Sitting around in the realms of cyberspace, I doubt anyone looks at it, I know I do not.
So "Why am I here?" you are probably asking yourself, the more important question is "Why are you here?" what brings you into my little corner of the vast and great wonder we call the Internet. Well like others you are probably here to get an insight into myself. what makes me tick... why do I do what I do? whatever it is I do. [I have to pause to attempt to say that ten times fast] Well I guess I cannot disappoint. Welcome to my Abode and I hope you find it insightful,
Well many people reading this probably know some about me, however due to my fast network of friends some probably know more than others, however others know more personal stuff than others. The first problem I have encountered is how honest should I be. How open.
Now I guess most people know about my past and know what I've done/been through or have not done, but do I open up and let everyone in the whole world see that. No filters, to finally say, I know that you know.... I guess we will see how I feel about that as time progresses
It is currently 01.48, I have been back from work for almost three hours yet sleep does not grasp me, my body seems to prefer to sleep during the day, My job varies with shifts, early shifts followed by late ones and vice versa, it means acquiring a regular pattern of sleep is difficult. One thing you'll notice about me is I am hardly asleep, or if I do sleep it is often in short sharp blocks.. It's a problem I need to overcome, but one my job currently will not allow. Not good for a family life.
So about my family, what do you want to know? you know it all, you know me, after all you would not be here. would you? Well I am married, Happily sure, I cannot say it has not had it's ups and downs, two children have helped with that, but I dare anyone to show me a marriage that is perfect. mine is not, but it is as close to perfect as I want to get. I have a wonderful wife who I adore greatly, she is my world, even if she doesn't believe it at time. I have two wonderful children who I would do anything for. Again I may not show it all the time but they mean the world to me. We live a comfortable happy life, however lately this has not been enough for me. I mean I could live here the rest of my life, I wouldn't have to be concerned about money, I make and receive enough to live by, All in all I have an easy life for a twenty three year old with two children and a wife to support. yet lately I feel tired of this life. I want to be somewhere. See for those who do not know, I live on a small village in a remote island of the coast of Scotland, Sounds quaint, it is adorable and your probably thinking "shut up, your lucky to live there" your right, I am in some sense, however the island, yes quaint and fantastic without regular escape can become an asylum. You begin to feel trapped, and lets face it you are, it costs around £80 or $130-140 to my American friends just to escape the island and touch your feet on the mainland. that's not including fuel and extras. It is expensive, Food is around a third more than other shops, Fuel is ridiculous, not that you can drive anywhere except in a circle. a lack of entertainment on the island also proves to be a problem. so why am I here. for the simple reason, my wife was pregnant and we had little choice, I know it is a choice I have made and I do not regret that, I have and will try the best of my abilities to make the most of the island, I just feel I am stuck here with no where to go.
However I have to forget about how I feel, I have to remember that where I live is perfect for my children, Nothing is more important, my happiness included.
I have a job on the island, would I call it a Career? I would hope so, I've been with the company for over four years, they're a good, generally fair company and have provided me with some small opportunities to progress, I just feel I am not taking full advantage of what I can offer and it does feel as if it is moving to slow for me.
Well maybe that will change, only time can tell.
As many of you know I recently visited some family, and that opened my eyes to an awful amount of the world, I have to say I've not been exposed to an awful lot before and what was out there amazed me. A lot of emotions were bought to the surface of that trip for me especially about people and family and where I stand and my place in the world is, with me lacking the self confidence which I show in every day life I feel I cannot progress down that tree much more.
Most people write in their blogs how they are feeling, "I am happy" in a lovely high pitched self projected tone which I make up about people in my head, then the low pitched "I am sad" A lot of blogs spiral into a whole WOE in me thing, again, I know about this, trust me, there is a reason I no longer read my livejournal ;)
So how am I you ask? well, except for the crippling pain in my knee [yes I am after sympathy here] I am pretty well, the weather helps with that but no, I am good, and yes, I am saying give me sympathy, if you say "I don't want sympathy" your lying, sympathy makes us feel better, of course we want it, it makes us feel good about ourselves. not that I am looking for it on purpose those. So why do I need sympathy and what is wrong with my knee? I hurt it, simple as, well actually not so simple, you see a long long time ago in a county far far away (Essex) when I was younger I hurt my knee, Playing rugby I believe but I do not remember fully, anyone ever since that day my knee flares up now and again, I walk or stumble funny on to it, the ligaments or muscles tighten and it hurts for a few days, I walk with a limp, swallow a few codeine tablets and it goes away after a few days for the cycle to repeat in the future, I do not mind, I'm use to it.
Anyone other than that, things are good, I would love to get off this Rock, but I do not believe that is going to happen any time soon, do you? unless someone would like to donate several million pounds to me?
I feel I am just rambling now, so if you have any questions, please feel free to ask, any comments are welcome, but I guess for now I am signing off.
