Welcome to my World...

So here I am, It has been a number of years since I have even thought about a Blog, I had a livejournal when I was younger, it's still alive, Sitting around in the realms of cyberspace, I doubt anyone looks at it, I know I do not.

So "Why am I here?" you are probably asking yourself, the more important question is "Why are you here?" what brings you into my little corner of the vast and great wonder we call the Internet. Well like others you are probably here to get an insight into myself. what makes me tick... why do I do what I do? whatever it is I do. [I have to pause to attempt to say that ten times fast] Well I guess I cannot disappoint. Welcome to my Abode and I hope you find it insightful,

Well many people reading this probably know some about me, however due to my fast network of friends some probably know more than others, however others know more personal stuff than others. The first problem I have encountered is how honest should I be. How open.

Now I guess most people know about my past and know what I've done/been through or have not done, but do I open up and let everyone in the whole world see that. No filters, to finally say, I know that you know.... I guess we will see how I feel about that as time progresses

It is currently 01.48, I have been back from work for almost three hours yet sleep does not grasp me, my body seems to prefer to sleep during the day, My job varies with shifts, early shifts followed by late ones and vice versa, it means acquiring a regular pattern of sleep is difficult. One thing you'll notice about me is I am hardly asleep, or if I do sleep it is often in short sharp blocks.. It's a problem I need to overcome, but one my job currently will not allow. Not good for a family life.

So about my family, what do you want to know? you know it all, you know me, after all you would not be here. would you? Well I am married, Happily sure, I cannot say it has not had it's ups and downs, two children have helped with that, but I dare anyone to show me a marriage that is perfect. mine is not, but it is as close to perfect as I want to get. I have a wonderful wife who I adore greatly, she is my world, even if she doesn't believe it at time. I have two wonderful children who I would do anything for. Again I may not show it all the time but they mean the world to me. We live a comfortable happy life, however lately this has not been enough for me. I mean I could live here the rest of my life, I wouldn't have to be concerned about money, I make and receive enough to live by, All in all I have an easy life for a twenty three year old with two children and a wife to support. yet lately I feel tired of this life. I want to be somewhere. See for those who do not know, I live on a small village in a remote island of the coast of Scotland, Sounds quaint, it is adorable and your probably thinking "shut up, your lucky to live there" your right, I am in some sense, however the island, yes quaint and fantastic without regular escape can become an asylum. You begin to feel trapped, and lets face it you are, it costs around £80 or $130-140 to my American friends just to escape the island and touch your feet on the mainland. that's not including fuel and extras. It is expensive, Food is around a third more than other shops, Fuel is ridiculous, not that you can drive anywhere except in a circle. a lack of entertainment on the island also proves to be a problem. so why am I here. for the simple reason, my wife was pregnant and we had little choice, I know it is a choice I have made and I do not regret that, I have and will try the best of my abilities to make the most of the island, I just feel I am stuck here with no where to go.

However I have to forget about how I feel, I have to remember that where I live is perfect for my children, Nothing is more important, my happiness included.

I have a job on the island, would I call it a Career? I would hope so, I've been with the company for over four years, they're a good, generally fair company and have provided me with some small opportunities to progress, I just feel I am not taking full advantage of what I can offer and it does feel as if it is moving to slow for me.

Well maybe that will change, only time can tell.

As many of you know I recently visited some family, and that opened my eyes to an awful amount of the world, I have to say I've not been exposed to an awful lot before and what was out there amazed me. A lot of emotions were bought to the surface of that trip for me especially about people and family and where I stand and my place in the world is, with me lacking the self confidence which I show in every day life I feel I cannot progress down that tree much more.

Most people write in their blogs how they are feeling, "I am happy" in a lovely high pitched self projected tone which I make up about people in my head, then the low pitched "I am sad" A lot of blogs spiral into a whole WOE in me thing, again, I know about this, trust me, there is a reason I no longer read my livejournal ;)

So how am I you ask? well, except for the crippling pain in my knee [yes I am after sympathy here] I am pretty well, the weather helps with that but no, I am good, and yes, I am saying give me sympathy, if you say "I don't want sympathy" your lying, sympathy makes us feel better, of course we want it, it makes us feel good about ourselves. not that I am looking for it on purpose those. So why do I need sympathy and what is wrong with my knee? I hurt it, simple as, well actually not so simple, you see a long long time ago in a county far far away (Essex) when I was younger I hurt my knee, Playing rugby I believe but I do not remember fully, anyone ever since that day my knee flares up now and again, I walk or stumble funny on to it, the ligaments or muscles tighten and it hurts for a few days, I walk with a limp, swallow a few codeine tablets and it goes away after a few days for the cycle to repeat in the future, I do not mind, I'm use to it.

Anyone other than that, things are good, I would love to get off this Rock, but I do not believe that is going to happen any time soon, do you? unless someone would like to donate several million pounds to me?

I feel I am just rambling now, so if you have any questions, please feel free to ask, any comments are welcome, but I guess for now I am signing off.